


Justicestuck

by californianNostalgia, gurum



Category: DCU, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Chatlogs, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Homestuck AU, Teenagers Swearing, no knowledge of homestuck is necessary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-08-18 21:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20198824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/californianNostalgia/pseuds/californianNostalgia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/gurum/pseuds/gurum
Summary: Your name is Dick Grayson. Today is the day you bury your second father. Your civilian friends are texting you, and by “civilian,” you actually mean something very different.Meteors are raining down on Earth. Eight kids play a game. Shenanigans ensue.(Featuring poor coping mechanisms, existential rage, absent parent figures, a butler, and various assholes from other dimensions trolling a bunch of kids who have more problems than is healthy.)





	1. ROBIN> it's raining.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> californianNostalgia (writer): In light of Season 3 and the original team's pseudo-final form of "responsible adults," this author felt a glaring need to return to a time when the original gang didn't have their shit together.
> 
> gurum (artist): .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU where the Team doesn't exist. (Yet.)
> 
> No knowledge of Homestuck is necessary to read this fic.

A young man stands in a deceased hero's secret lair. It just so happens that today, the 4th of July, is the day of his latest father figure's funeral. Though it was five years ago he was adopted, it is only today he will be burying the second father of his short but eventful life.  
  
What will the name of this young man be?

**==> Enter name.**

<strike>DICK GRAYSON</strike>

(No, you're not him. You can't be him. Not now, anyways.)

**==> Try again.**

ROBIN

(That's more like it.)

**==> Robin: Examine your surroundings.**

Your name is ROBIN. As was previously mentioned, it is the day of your crime-fighting partner's FUNERAL. You are standing in the middle of a secret underground CAVE located right beneath the MANSION that is your home. 

This cave has everything you could ever need. A Batmobile. A Batplane. Some Batarangs. A giant penny. A Tyrannosaurus Rex that may or may not be real.

The only thing missing here would be a living father figure. Which you had up til two days ago. 

You’re going to change that.

**==> Robin: Elaborate.**

You _would_ introduce your many INTERESTS to the reader—which include wordplay and practical jokes, among other things—but your father is in a goddamn COFFIN, for crying out loud. You have better shit to do.

Your wrist computer is buzzing with notifications. 

**==> Robin: Open Pesterchum.**

You open the shitty messenger app. Your civilian friends are texting you. By “civilian,” you actually mean something very different, but they don't know that you know that. Well, with one exception. But he's a special case.

**==> Robin: Read messages.**

\-- mellifluousMetamorphosis [MM] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

MM: Hey, Dick...  
MM: Are you feeling okay...?

\-- zestfulTheatricality [ZT] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

I heard what happened. : ZT  
Do you want to talk about it? : ZT

\-- shuffledBallistics [SB] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

SB: Sorry about your dad

Your friends mean well. But these particular friends think you're a normal civilian. They don't know that your dead parental figure used to put on a black cowl with pointed ears to fight street crime and aliens. They're not who you need right now.

First, you need someone who knows how things are going down on the meteor front.

**==>Robin: Answer AQ.**

\-- authenticQuarterback [AQ] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

AQ: Today is the day of the funeral, isn't it?  
AQ: You have my deepest condolences.  
AQ: Mr. Wayne was a remarkable man.  
RB: thanks, kaldur.  
RB: by the way, you wouldn't happen to know how the league is doing against the meteors, would you?  
RB: all surface countries are censoring their news and i'm not really in the mood to hack them.  
RB: also, based on the tiny peek i took, they don't know jack shit.  
RB: bad internet connection in outer space, i guess.  
RB: i'm hoping atlantis has better service.  
AQ: I'm afraid we don't have much information either.  
AQ: All we know is that the Justice League is doing their best to destroy as many oncoming meteors as they can.  
AQ: But it seems there are a lot of meteors.  
RB: yeah, i figured.  
AQ: I apologize.  
AQ: I did not mean to sound insensitive about your loss.  
RB: it's fine.  
AQ: I am here for you if you wish to talk about it.  
RB: i know.

So your pseudo-dad died fighting meteors. It happens. As much as you appreciate Kaldur, now is not the time for chitchat. You're on a clock. You need to fix this.

You have a video game to play.

**==> Robin: Answer RA.**

\-- retrogradeArchipelago [RA] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

RA: okay so  
RA: i cant find my fucking game cd for some reason  
RA: swear i had it  
RA: dunno where it fucked off to but im definitely looking for it  
RB: that's great news, roy.   
RB: that's awesome.  
RB: i guess we won't be bringing my dead father back to life after all.  
RA: no shut the fuck up ill find the fucking thing just  
RA: in the meantime   
RA: you could ask wally to be your server player  
RA: he has a copy too right  
RB: yeah.  
RB: will do.  
RA: hey  
RA: its gonna work  
RB: right.  
RB: sorry.  
RA: dont apologize for cheek grayson you have more pride than that  
RA: today is the day  
RA: go resurrect your father  
RA: im gonna find those fucking cds

\-- retrogradeArchipelago [RA] ceased pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

Despite his inability to keep track of his copy of a reality-altering video game, Roy is a good friend.

. . . Look, you know you're reaching. A reality-altering video game sounds exactly like the sort of fake marketing that supervillains might spout to drag idiot civilians into their nefarious schemes. But a dubiously reliable source assured you of the game's authenticity. Though Roy won't admit it, you're pretty sure he checked in with his own dubiously reliable source and got the "go ahead" sign, since he's the one who suggested this option to you in the first place.

Normally you'd be more careful about believing in faceless tips, but your legal guardian is dead and the world is ending. You figure you've got nothing to lose.

Your arrow-happy fellow Gothamite is pestering you, but you can't answer her right now. You need to talk to the one friend you have who knows both of your names.

You hope Wally isn't too pissed.

**==> Robin: Pester KF.**

\-- rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] began pestering kineticFlibbertigibbet [KF] \--

RB: roy managed to lose his copy of the game.  
RB: i need a server player.  
KF: well well well look who came crawling back are you regretting some recent life choices rob?  
KF: perhaps you'd like to apologize for ignoring your best friend for two whole days because gee i sure would be feeling sorry if i'd ignored my best friend's honest concern for two whole days  
RB: yeah, yeah.  
RB: i'm sorry i ignored you.  
KF: apology received don't do that again i thought you'd jumped off a cliff or zeta tubed your way to the watchtower to steal a spacesuit and went out on a suicide mission to fight meteors with tiny explosive disks  
KF: which would be really difficult to fling since you're used to an environment with an actual atmosphere and space doesn't have that which you would know if you weren't crazed with grief and acting irrationally  
KF: not to imply that it'd be wrong to be crazed with grief you have every reason to be as irrational as you want to be but you know what it was a genuine concern i had and you did nothing to dissuade me of my worst suspicions so i had good reason to be irrationally worried for your ungrateful butt  
RB: well i didn't steal a spacesuit to fling explosives at meteors in space, so.  
KF: good for you your brain functions have not yet left your body to fend for itself  
RB: kf, stop wasting time.  
KF: it literally takes me half a second to type this shit i would like you to reexamine your own typing speed before attempting to frown upon my texting choices  
RB: this is serious.  
KF: oh you're serious okay cool d'you wanna know what i'm doing rn that's also very serious  
KF: making myself a giant plate of nachos that's what (i kissed my fingers just now btw like the french)  
KF: sorry to break it to you but a reality altering video game that brings dead people back to life doesn't sound like a thing that exists  
RB: i have reason to believe it does.  
KF: you mean the mysterious source you trust even though you really think you shouldn't?  
KF: dude  
KF: come on  
RB: i know, i know!  
RB: but the justice league is losing.  
KF: they're not losing  
RB: how on earth are they going to defeat an entire asteroid belt's worth of meteors at once?  
RB: there's no way to beat this.  
RB: if  
RB: if there was a way to get through this, batman would have done it by now.  
KF: batman's only one person  
KF: there are other heroes than batman  
RB: just humor me.  
RB: we're not allowed on the field because of our age.  
RB: i've never felt more useless.  
RB: i need to be doing something.  
RB: i know for a fact you're itching to go too.  
KF: so your solution to our hero complex and survivor's guilt is what  
KF: a video game?  
RB: it's the only course of action i have left.  
RB: it'll take an hour at most to see if the game's legit.  
RB: i need this.  
KF: dick  
KF: humanity isn't going to perish today  
KF: things have looked terrible plenty of times in the past but we're still here  
KF: this isn't the end of the world even if it kind of feels like it rn  
KF: but if you really want to try this game  
KF: i'll play  
RB: thanks, wally.  
KF: eh nbd it's just a game  
KF: an hour at most you said?  
RB: that's what i said.  
KF: cool  
KF: guess we're doing this  
RB: we're making this happen.  
KF: (fist bump)  
RB: (fist bump)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a [tumblr](https://justicestuck.tumblr.com)!


	2. ROBIN> it's pouring.

**==> Robin: Install SBURB.**

Whoever named this reality-altering video game either had a thing for obscure initials or enjoyed sounding dumb.

You install the SBURB Client onto your wrist computer. You see nothing strange about installing a game via CD because the year is 2011 and video game installation via CD is still a thing that happens.

The Client game doesn't do much other than set up a signal that the Server game will connect to. A simple blurb pops up to tell you that the installation has been completed. It's kind of anticlimactic.

Someone is pestering you like the world is ending. The stream of notifications in the upper left corner of your wristcom captures your attention and doesn't let you go. You have no choice but to respond.

**==> Robin: Answer AR.**

\-- apoplecticRebellion [AR] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

AR: hey dickwad  
AR: you cant stonewall me forever  
AR: hey  
AR: hey dick  
AR: dickwad  
AR: dickbag  
AR: dickface  
AR: hey  
AR: hey  
AR: hey  
AR: h  
AR: h  
AR: h  
AR: h  
AR: h  
AR:  
AR:  
AR:  
AR:  
AR:  
AR:  
AR:  
AR:  
AR:  
RB: are you seriously spamming me with spaces?  
AR: you forced my hand  
RB: and only three variations of 'dick,' too.  
RB: it's like you don't care anymore.  
AR: i wasnt trying to win a spelling bee  
RB: that's not how you win a spelling bee.  
AR: its SO nice to know youre alive you dick  
RB: did you expect me to have jumped off a cliff in grief?  
AR: more like stand still in the path of an oncoming meteor  
AR: why the fuck were you ignoring me  
AR: i was this close to breaking into your stupid rich boy hilltop manor  
RB: that would've been a really bad idea but i appreciate the thought.  
AR: why  
AR: do you have rich boy security for your luxury manor  
RB: yes.  
AR: well take down your rich boy defenses cause im coming over  
RB: you don't have to come over.  
AR: kaldur told me todays the funeral  
AR: im coming over  
RB: let me rephrase.  
RB: don't come over.  
AR: on the one hand i want to respect your wishes of privacy  
AR: on the other hand i dont trust you to make the best decisions for yourself  
AR: come ON grayson  
RB: no.

\-- rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] ceased responding to apoplecticRebellion [AR] \--

You can't afford distractions. 

**==> Robin: Pester KF.**

\-- rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] began pestering kineticFlibbertigibbet [KF] \--

RB: finished installing the client.  
RB: what's taking you so long?  
KF: internet's being real spotty for some reason i think it might be the stray meteors getting thru the league's defense lines those rocks could be hitting satellites and power lines and whatnot  
KF: might take me a few more minutes hang tight i'll text u as soon as it's done

. . . It looks like you might have some free time on your hands.

**==> Robin: Examine the coffin.**

You wander over to an especially shadowy corner of the Cave. Here lies Bruce Wayne, carefully placed inside a glossy box atop a pedestal that doesn't forget to advertise just whose legendary corpse it carries on its back. You don't know if he's wearing a suit, or _the_ suit. You think it might be the former, but you can't be sure. You didn't look. Neither would truly fit.

You stand over the smooth grey container holding the dead body of Batman and have a quiet freak-out. It still doesn't feel real.

You never thought of him as your father. No, scratch that, you _tried_ not to think of him as your father. He encouraged that kind of thinking. He said he didn't want to replace anyone from your past.

Ironic how you realize you've lost another father only after you've lost him.

Your silent wallowing may have been a tad obvious, because when you tear your gaze off the grey box, an elderly gentleman has appeared to radiate gentle concern over your grief.

You attempt to convey a message of assurance through eye contact, cowled eye to invisible eye. No, Alfred, you're fine. No, you don't need cookies at the moment. Everything is under control. Thanks.

Alfred remains undeterred. You feel an enormous wave of parental concern wash over you. The plate of chocolate chip cookies that Alfred bears gleam with promises of comfort. They are like tiny stars of HOPE, plucked from the sky and arranged into an aesthetically pleasing pile, just for you.

The sheer volume of genuine affection overwhelms you. You wander back to the computers in an effort to keep whelmed. You should turn your attention elsewhere.

**==> Robin: Search for game walkthroughs.**

Despite its supposedly reality-altering nature, SBURB is not that difficult to acquire. Possibly because everyone believes it to be a normal video game instead of a tool for necromancy. Today is the official release date for the CDs, which means game stores around the world will be displaying SBURB in their grubby windows. You pre-ordered the game two days ago. So did Roy. You think Wally must have just ran to the nearest GameStop this morning. Wally doesn't see the point in pre-orders, saying his own two legs are more dependable than UPS. He's not wrong.

The point is, this game has been released to the general public, which means there must be a number of diehard gamers who are already posting walkthroughs as they embark on their new and exciting digital pilgrimage. You hit up a few popular sites and run "SBURB" through the batcomputer, intent on covering all bases.

Many walkthroughs are in their budding stages of composition, barely past the Client and Server installations. Some of them cut off abruptly. The rest are mainly false gamers pretending to have played, the cowards.

The one promising review you find is not hosted on any identifiable site. It seemingly floats in the midst of data, untethered to neither links nor ads. You can't figure out who wrote it or where it came from. Even the batcomputer can't make heads or tails of it.

So of course you download it.

Emboldened by the substantial size of the file, you open the walkthrough and are met with [a wall of text](https://www.homestuck.com/story/272).

. . . Yeah. You can't concentrate on this right now.

Not because you don't want to read this lengthy piece of literature! No, you like literature. You read books. Books with real pages and stuff. You're a reader. You are. You're just . . . distracted. By Kaldur, who is pestering you, oh how annoying you should respond immediately.

**==> Robin: Answer AQ.**

\-- authenticQuarterback [AQ] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

AQ: Artemis wishes me to call you rude names.  
AQ: I suspect she does not enjoy being shut out.  
RB: that's a reasonable assumption.  
AQ: My previous offer still stands, you know.  
AQ: If you are in need of any kind of assistance, I would be more than happy to provide my help.  
RB: ...any kind?  
AQ: Of course.  
RB: well.  
RB: i might have something i need help with.  
RB: it's this game walkthrough.  
AQ: Oh.  
AQ: That is.  
AQ: Not what I was expecting.  
RB: it's a wall of letters.  
RB: i don't do well with long prose.  
AQ: Yes, I am familiar with your allergy to English literature.  
AQ: Please send me the file.  
AQ: I am not doing much at the moment.  
AQ: I will summarize this daunting literary obstacle for you.  
RB: thanks, kaldur.  
RB: you're a lifesaver.

You send Kaldur the complete walkthrough. 

Your wristcom starts buzzing with notifications again, but you don't recognize the chumhandle—oh. 

**==> Robin: This fucker again.**

\-- regulatedBewilderment [RB] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

RB: Dick.  
RB: Dick, the meteor is coming.  
RB: Listen to me, Dick, the meteor is coming.  
RB: Oh my god, do you have your airpods in?  
RB: kindly fuck off.

\-- rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] has blocked regulatedBewilderment [RB]! --

\-- regulatedBewilderment [RB] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

RB: Blocking me won't stop me, Dick.  
RB: please stop calling me rude names.  
RB: i may need therapy because of your incessant cyberbullying.  
RB: I'm trying to help you!  
RB: trolling a famous person's kid for no reason is so far from helping.  
RB: there is an astronomical difference between trolling and helping.  
RB: go away.  
RB: Okay, okay!  
RB: Please, just, can you look at the sky?  
RB: no.  
RB: i'm burrowing underground.  
RB: bye.

\-- rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] has blocked regulatedBewilderment [RB]! --

\-- regulatedBewilderment [RB] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

RB: One look!  
RB: One look at the sky!  
RB: Please.

What a fucking creep. You don't know how this troll got Dick Grayson's private chumhandle, and you _don't_ want to know.

"Look at the sky"? What the fuck is this guy on? You throw an agressive glance toward the cluster of screens displaying the manor's countless surveillance feeds. Oh look, there's the sky, blue as always, the clouds, cloudy as always, and the meteor, fiery as—

Uh.

** ==> Robin: Examine the fiery meteor heading your way. **

What the fuck.

**==> Robin: Kaldur is pestering you.**

\-- authenticQuarterback [AQ] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

AQ: I have a question.  
AQ: This walkthrough contains some unsettling hypotheses.  
AQ: The author appears to believe that playing this game may have deadly consequences.  
AQ: Are you playing the game yet?  
AQ: Have you perhaps noticed any signs of imminent doom?  
AQ: I sincerely doubt the accuracy of this walkthrough, but I would appreciate confirmation that your life is not in active danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The linked walkthrough is from Homestuck canon. You do _not_ have to read the wall of text. Kaldur will summarize it for you. (The meteor gif is from Homestuck.)
> 
> Come talk to us on our [tumblr](https://justicestuck.tumblr.com)!


	3. WALLY> the dino is floating

**==> KF: Pester RB.**

\-- kineticFlibbertigibbet [KF] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

KF: dude i finished installing and wow u will not believe what i'm seeing rn  
KF: it's your house i mean the batcave i can see the entire batcave on my screen  
KF: this game is inviting me to play sims with the batcave irl  
KF: how is this possible is it hacking into your security feed how is it doing that is this legal  
KF: also why are u in ur suit  
KF: man this is so weird  
KF: first aerial view of the batcave  
RB: hey.  
RB: i might have a bit of a problem.  
KF: yeah invasion of privacy  
KF: wait weren't you gonna let roy be your server player?  
KF: dude does he know you're robin?  
RB: what?  
RB: no.  
KF: then why are you in your suit i'm telling u i can SEE u real time  
KF: you would've blown your secret identity faster than you could abscond  
RB: wally, a meteor is coming for my ass.  
KF: a what  
RB: a meteor.  
RB: is coming.  
RB: for my ass.  
KF: uh  
RB: what the fuck a meteor is doing over my head i don't know.  
RB: but it's coming.  
KF: how big is it  
KF: bc baby meteors can burn out of the atmosphere before they hit  
RB: i know that.  
RB: do you think i'd be freaking out if it was a baby meteor?  
RB: it's sizable.  
KF: oh  
RB: if i were less traught i'd say it looks like fucking jupiter is moseying on down to crush me.  
RB: to be honest i'm kinda feeling the disaster, heavy on the dis.  
KF: wow ok got it   
KF: can you blow it out of the sky with your batmissiles or sth  
RB: unfortunately we are not equipped to shoot down meteors.  
RB: i guess we thought death by meteor was the least likely way to go.  
RB: ironic, considering the circumstances.  
KF: did you call the league?  
RB: no, they're otherwise preoccupied.  
RB: i'm no more important than the rest of the world.  
KF: ok ok ok  
KF: then get the hell out of there ya dipshit  
KF: clear out let's go there's a space rock coming in hot to level your neighborhood or i guess your estate cmon move it  
RB: but kaldur says that according to this really long walkthrough, playing the game will get me out of the line of fire.  
RB: somehow.  
KF: are you kidding me  
RB: i mean if it's supposed to alter reality theoretically it could also save me from meteors.  
KF: dick  
RB: i need to see this through.  
RB: if i can bring back batman, i'm essentially saving the world, aren't I?  
RB: besides, aren't long incomprehensible pieces of literature supposed to be the most trustworthy sources of information?  
KF: that's not how it works  
RB: pretty sure that's how it works.  
RB: otherwise why would anyone go to college to read those huge blocky things they have the audacity to call books?  
KF: aaghhfjklfkjskj  
KF: fine  
KF: fine!  
KF: looks like you're committed to this so guess i'm playing the game too  
RB: cool.  
KF: one problem  
KF: i don't know how to play this game  
KF: it just looks like the sims what am i supposed to do with this i have no experience with the sims  
RB: wait a sec kaldur read the walkthrough.

**==> KF: Answer AQ.**

\-- authenticQuarterback [AQ] began pestering kineticFlibbertigibbet [KF] \--

AQ: Dick tells me you need assistance in starting out with SBURB.  
AQ: The mechanics of the game are quite simple, once you get past the needlessly convoluted names for simple functions.  
AQ: The first thing you need to know is the green house icon located on the very left of the menu bar.  
AQ: Clicking this icon will allow you to select objects in Dick's home and move them around.  
KF: so like the sims?  
AQ: Are you referring to the land-based series of life simulation games where players can create virtual homes and lives for themselves?  
KF: they have an atlantis extension pack i think  
AQ: Then yes, this game is somewhat like The Sims.  
AQ: You must clear enough space in Dick's surroundings to deploy three rather large machines from the game's storage.  
AQ: The walkthrough recommends you place these machines in close proximity with one another.  
AQ: This will make Dick's entry process into a separate reality called The Medium more expedient.

**==> KF: Follow AQ's instructions.**

KF: man kaldur's a lifesaver  
RB: that he is.  
KF: but he didn't know about the meteors otherwise he'd have said sth   
KF: did you not mention the impending meteor of doom to the one person who knows what he's doing?  
RB: i didn't want to worry him.  
KF: your life is in danger birdboy i think kaldur might want to know about that  
RB: less mouth more gaming, kid mouth.  
KF: blegh  
KF: alright i'm gonna try sth tell me if it works  
RB: whoa.  
RB: the giant penny is floating and i sure as hell am not the one floating it.  
KF: yep no telekinesis here just a ginger on his laptop lifting a giant penny into the air via powers of computer science that make no sense whatsoever  
KF: guess this game really can alter reality  
KF: shit can you imagine how bank robberies would go with this thing a whole new horizon of possibilities has just opened up for criminals and a whole lot of late night shifts have become the future for local vigilantes  
KF: unless everyone dies by fiery meteors ofc  
RB: dude, chill.  
KF: i am chill what are u talking abt  
KF: omg  
KF: is that a dino  
KF: is that the sole shining star of jurassic park i see before me  
KF: dick  
KF: dick why do you have a life size tyrannosaurus rex in the batcave what is this gratuitous souvenir from the cretaceous period doing here explain yourself   
RB: i...  
RB: yeah, i don't know why we have that.  
RB: interior design, maybe?  
KF: well you didn't have a giant dino the last time i visited bc i sure would've noticed look at this glorious plastic creature  
RB: not sure if it's plastic, either.  
KF: i'm gonna have to move this baby but damn this dino is fine i'd want this dino as a souvenir in my own home 10/10 would store

**==> KF: Have your Internet fail you at the crucial moment.**

Shit.

**==> KF: Be KF.**

A young man stands in his room. Hello there.

What will the name of this young man be?

**==> KF: Enter Name.**

WALLY WEST

(You have a second name—Kid Flash—but that one's kind of a secret. Some people just call you Speedy, though. They're lazy.)

**==> Wally: Examine your surroundings.**

Your name is WALLY. You are in your civvies at home because what's better than staying home as your planet is being bombarded by meteors? Nothing. Nothing is better than loitering in safety.

Your best friend has just informed you that a meteor is coming for him and you must play a video game to save him. It sounds ridiculous, but you are both professionals who work in the field. You are unfazed. You're not even going to joke about the ridiculousness of it. You know better than to joke about life-threatening situations. Except, of course, when it helps to joke about said life-threatening situations. You feel like the need for a good joke varies from case to case. Captured by a villain or about to engage in outright battle? The right joke can lighten up the mood. Grieving best friend stressed about an oncoming meteor? Less jokes, more running. 

As was previously mentioned, you are without electricity. Your laptop has enough battery to last you a while longer, but without Wi-Fi, all is lost. You need to remedy this lack of power.

**==> Wally: Elaborate.**

You have a variety of INTERESTS. You were a DINOSAUR kid when you were young. Though you are a CHEMISTRY kid now, you have never forgotten your loyalty to the magnificent prehistoric beasts that dominated your childhood. Also you can run real fast, but not as fast as some other people.

You'd talk more about yourself but _hello_ _Megan_, there's a meteor breaking atmosphere over Dick's head. You need something to power up the Wi-Fi router. You recall the existence of a backup generator that may or may not be in the garage.

**==> Wally: Run to the garage.**

The garage is five feet from your room. You power walk.

This is the garage you blew up when you upended a dangerous chemical formula on your head so you could gain superspeed. Rebuilding this garage was an awesome family bonding experience. 

The family sedan isn’t here. Your parents are out for groceries, scraping together water bottles and soup cans for the coming apocalypse. You promised to stay home and stay safe. The winged tin hat on the top shelf is taunting you. It's a souvenir from your grandpa's career as a speedster, and its banged-up metal surface twinkles at you enticingly. Don't you want to get out there and _run_, KF? Yes you do. You really do. 

You’re not allowed to have chemical experiments in this garage anymore because you nearly killed yourself that one time. You believe this is an unreasonable precaution. Chemical experiments can happen in the bedroom, the bathroom, the yard, or the attic. There are so many possibilities available to you. Limiting the use of a perfectly serviceable garage is, logically speaking, a waste. But your parents were really upset after your near-successful suicide attempt, so you had to agree to the "no chem in the garage" rule. Even though it wasn't a suicide attempt.

You knew what you were doing when you dumped that bubbling monstrosity on your head. You had good cause. You swear.

See, it happened like this.

**==> Wally: Be Past Wally.**

You are Past Wally. You stand in an unfamiliar office with fancy wallpaper and fancier furniture. When you agreed to come hang out with Dick in his swanky hilltop manor, you didn't expect the place to be so big as to get lost on the way back from the bathroom. One wrong turn and suddenly you have no idea which way is up or down. Maybe you should have accepted the escort of the butler man. He seemed nice.

You've kind of been opening doors at random, hoping to hit upon Dick's room by sheer luck. So far it hasn't worked, but you did find this gloomy office with a cool green clock. 

The hands are all out of wack, though. You _know_ it's midmorning and fast approaching lunchtime.

You are unable to keep your hands to yourself. You fiddle with the clock hands, reconfiguring the needles so they're closer to 11—

**==> Past Wally: Accidentally set the clock to 10:48.**

The clock pops open.

Uh.

**==> Past Wally: Be driven by curiosity.**

You take the elevator down, down, down—

Whoa.

**==> Past Wally: Reintroduce yourself to Bruce Wayne.**

Hi again, Mr. Bat— Mr. Wayne.

Please don't kill me.

**==> Past Wally: Connect the dots.**

Wait, if he's Batman, then—

Dick. Dude. Are _you_—?

**==> Past Wally: Follow your best friend's example straight into heroic self-endangerment.**

In retrospect, you could have executed that better. 

**==> Past Wally: Be Present Wally.**

Welp. That was a fun but pointless look back at the past. Moving on.

You grab the portable generator off the garage countertops and lug it back to your room. You snag the Wi-fi router from the living room and bring that in too. You lovingly lay out your spoils around your feet and take a few minutes to bring your laptop back online. To your great joy, the tiny Wi-fi icon in the corner of your computer screen flickers on a solid black.

The notifications for Pesterchum are going haywire. Your civilian friends are texting you, and by "civilian," you actually mean civilian. No heroes here, no siree. (Well, with one exception, but he's a special case.) Just a bunch of normal teenagers shooting the shit over the Internet because they live so far apart. Conner lives in _Kansas_, for crying out loud. You're amazed he even has Internet.

Anyway. Meteor. Apocalypse. Must focus.

You pester the one friend who wears a cape in public.

\-- kineticFlibbertigibbet [KF] began pestering rambunctiousBureaucrat [RB] \--

KF: alright i'm back what did i miss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The clock gif is from Homestuck.)
> 
> californianNostalgia (writer): On a completely unrelated note, S3E23 scarred me forever. Ow.


End file.
